For most families in Tampa, the holiday season is defined by presence. It is a time of gathering around the dinner table, opening gifts under the tree, and sharing the physical warmth of togetherness. However, for the men and women serving in the armed forces, particularly those stationed at MacDill Air Force Base, the holidays often look very different. Deployment does not pause for Christmas, Hanukkah, or New Year’s Eve. When duty calls, you go, regardless of the date on the calendar.
Being deployed during the holidays is emotionally grueling for any parent. You miss the school plays, the holiday light displays on the Riverwalk, and the magic of seeing your child’s face on Christmas morning. But for a service member going through a divorce or a custody battle, this emotional pain is compounded by a terrifying legal anxiety. You may worry that your absence will be used against you. You may fear that while you are serving your country halfway across the world, your ex-spouse is back in Tampa quietly eroding your relationship with your children or, worse, filing legal motions that you cannot answer.
The fear of returning home to find that you have lost your custody rights is a nightmare that keeps many deployed parents awake at night. It is crucial to understand that you are not helpless. Both federal laws and Florida state statutes provide robust protections for service members. You do not have to accept a diminished role in your child’s life simply because you are deployed. By working with a skilled Tampa military divorce lawyer, you can enforce your rights, maintain your bond through technology, and ensure that your legal standing is preserved until you step back on American soil.
The Fear of “Abandonment” and Legal Reality
One of the most common misconceptions that deployed parents face is the idea of abandonment. In the civilian world, if a parent leaves for six months and has limited contact, it might be viewed negatively by the courts. High conflict ex-spouses often try to weaponize this logic against military members. They might tell the children that “Daddy left us” or argue in court that the child has “settled into a new routine” that shouldn’t be disturbed.
It is vital to state clearly that deployment is not abandonment. Florida law specifically addresses this issue. The statutes governing child custody recognize the unique nature of military service. A judge is generally prohibited from using your deployment as the sole factor in modifying a permanent parenting plan. The law understands that your absence is involuntary and in service of the nation.
However, just because the law is on your side does not mean the other parent won’t try to change the status quo. They may file emergency motions claiming that the current custody arrangement isn’t working or that they need full decision-making authority while you are gone. If you are in a combat zone or on a ship with limited connectivity, you might not even receive notice of these filings in time to respond. This is where having a Tampa military divorce lawyer on the ground becomes indispensable. Your attorney acts as your shield, appearing in court on your behalf to remind the judge of the statutory protections and to stop any attempts to permanently alter your custody rights while you are unable to defend yourself.
The Servicemembers Civil Relief Act: Your First Line of Defense
The most powerful tool in your legal arsenal is a piece of federal legislation known as the Servicemembers Civil Relief Act, or SCRA. This act was designed to allow service members to devote their entire energy to the defense needs of the nation without the distraction of civil litigation.
In the context of a holiday custody dispute, the SCRA effectively hits the “pause” button on legal proceedings. If your ex-spouse files a petition for divorce or a motion to modify custody while you are deployed and unable to appear, the SCRA protects you from a default judgment. In the civilian world, if you fail to show up to court, you lose. Under the SCRA, if your military service materially affects your ability to appear, the court must stay, or postpone, the proceedings.
This stay is not automatic in every single instance, but it is highly effective. You usually need to provide a letter from your commanding officer stating that your military duty prevents you from appearing and that leave is not currently authorized. A Tampa military divorce lawyer knows exactly how to draft the necessary affidavits to invoke these protections. They can ensure that the judge understands you are not ignoring the court, but rather that you are legally shielded from participating until your deployment ends.
This protection provides immense peace of mind during the holidays. It means you do not have to spend your limited downtime on Christmas Eve worrying about a court hearing happening in downtown Tampa that you cannot attend. You can focus on your mission and your remote connection with your kids, knowing that the legal battle is frozen until you return.
Establishing Temporary Orders Before You Go
While the SCRA can pause new litigation, the reality of custody is that the child needs care now. You cannot simply pause the child’s life. If you are the primary residential parent or have 50/50 custody, you need a plan for where the child will live while you are deployed.
Ideally, this is handled proactively. Before you deploy, you and your Tampa military divorce lawyer should draft a temporary modification of the parenting plan. This document explicitly states that the changes are temporary and solely due to the deployment. It outlines who the child will live with—usually the other parent, but sometimes a step-parent or grandparent depending on the specific family dynamics and court rulings.
Crucially, this agreement should include a “snap-back” provision. This language ensures that upon your return from deployment, the custody arrangement automatically reverts to the original pre-deployment schedule. This prevents the other parent from arguing that the “new normal” established during your absence should become permanent. By clarifying this in a court order before you leave, you avoid a legal fight when you return. You want your homecoming to be about hugging your children, not filing motions to get your parenting time back.
Virtual Visitation: Being There When You Can’t Be There
Technology has revolutionized the way deployed parents experience the holidays. Ten years ago, a phone call was a luxury. Today, video calling platforms allow for a visual connection that is vital for maintaining a bond with young children.
Florida courts increasingly recognize “electronic communication” as a standard part of parenting plans. When you are deployed, your Tampa military divorce lawyer can petition the court to mandate a specific schedule for virtual visitation. This turns a casual “I’ll call when I can” into a court-ordered right.
For the holidays, this schedule should be specific. You can request designated time on Christmas morning or the first night of Hanukkah to watch your children open the gifts you sent. The parenting plan can stipulate that the other parent must ensure the children are available, that the device is charged, and that the environment is private. This prevents the other parent from hovering over the shoulder of the child or scheduling conflicting activities during your call window.
To make these virtual holidays successful, preparation is key. Send your gifts weeks in advance so they are physically there. Ask the other parent (or a trusted family member if relations are tense) to hide them until the video call starts. Watching your child unwrap a Lego set or a doll that you picked out creates a shared memory, bridging the thousands of miles between you.
It is also important to account for technical realities. Internet connections in deployed environments can be spotty. Your legal agreement should include makeup provisions. If the Wi-Fi on your base goes down on Christmas Day, the order should state that you get the next available opportunity to call, ensuring you don’t lose that time entirely.
Delegate Your Time: The Role of Extended Family
One of the unique aspects of military custody law is the potential for delegated visitation. Florida statutes allow a deployed parent to designate a family member, such as a grandparent or step-parent, to exercise a portion of their time-sharing while they are away.
This is particularly important during the holidays. If you cannot be there, you likely still want your children to see your parents or your current spouse. You want them to have the experience of baking cookies with Grandma or going to the holiday parade with their step-dad. Without a court order, the other parent might refuse to let your family see the children, effectively cutting off your side of the family for the duration of the deployment.
A Tampa military divorce lawyer can file a motion to allow this proxy visitation. If the court finds it is in the best interest of the child, they can order that your parents get to take the children for a weekend or for a specific holiday meal. This serves two purposes. First, it maintains the child’s bond with your extended family. Second, it keeps your presence alive in the child’s life. Your parents can talk about you, show the kids pictures of you, and help them make cards to send to you. It prevents the “out of sight, out of mind” syndrome that many deployed parents fear.
Financial Obligations During Holiday Deployments
The holidays are a time of increased spending, and financial disputes often flare up during this season. When you are deployed, your military pay continues, and often increases due to tax-free zones or hazard pay. However, your obligations to pay child support do not vanish.
It is critical to have a clear understanding of your financial orders before you deploy. Issues often arise regarding “extra” expenses. Who pays for the travel costs if the children fly to visit grandparents? Who pays for the expensive Christmas wish list items? If your court order is vague, your ex-spouse might make unilateral decisions and expect you to foot the bill.
Furthermore, issues regarding the Basic Allowance for Housing (BAH) can become complicated during deployment and divorce. If you are separating right before a deployment, you need to know who is entitled to remain in base housing or how the BAH should be calculated for support purposes. A Tampa military divorce lawyer can help clarify these financial distinctions.
Failure to pay child support while deployed can have severe consequences, not just in family court but also within your chain of command. The military requires service members to support their dependents. A letter of indebtedness from an ex-spouse to your commander can derail your career. Ensuring that an automatic allotment is set up before you leave prevents missed payments and the legal headaches that follow.
Dealing with High-Conflict Co-Parents from a Distance
Distance often exacerbates conflict. If your ex-spouse is uncooperative, dealing with them from a combat zone is incredibly stressful. They might refuse to answer the phone during your scheduled times or speak negatively about you within earshot of the microphone.
Documentation is your best defense. Keep a log of every missed call and every denied interaction. If you have email access, communicate in writing. This creates a paper trail that your Tampa military divorce lawyer can use. If the other parent consistently violates the virtual visitation order, your lawyer can file a Motion for Contempt in the Tampa courts even while you are away.
The judge can sanction the other parent for interfering with your relationship. Remedies might include awarding you extra make-up time upon your return, ordering the other parent to pay your legal fees, or simply admonishing them to follow the order. Knowing that your lawyer is watching and willing to act can often be enough to force a difficult co-parent to comply.
The “Make-Up” Time Concept
Florida law recognizes that the time you lose during deployment is time you can never get back. However, the courts try to compensate for this through compensatory or “make-up” time-sharing.
When you return, you shouldn’t just slot back into the standard every-other-weekend routine immediately. You may be entitled to a significant block of time to reconnect with your children. This is especially relevant if you missed major holidays.
For example, if you were deployed over Christmas, your Tampa military divorce lawyer might negotiate a parenting plan where you get the children for the entirety of Spring Break or a large portion of the summer to balance the scales. Some families even choose to celebrate “Christmas in July” to recreate the missed experience.
This reintegration period is critical. Children change quickly. The toddler you left might be a preschooler when you return. The teenager might have new interests. Having an extended period of exclusive time allows you to rebuild the parent-child bond without the interference of school schedules or the other parent. Ensuring this right is written into your orders prevents the other parent from claiming that an extended visit would be “disruptive” to the child.
Why the “Best Interests of the Child” Still Rules
Despite all the specific military protections, the overarching standard in Florida family law remains the “best interests of the child.” All your requests, from virtual visitation to proxy visitation for grandparents, must be framed through this lens.
You cannot just demand rights because you are a soldier. You must demonstrate why those rights benefit your child. A Tampa military divorce lawyer knows how to craft these arguments. They will argue that a child benefits from having a continuous relationship with both parents, that the child needs the stability of knowing their deployed parent is safe and loves them, and that the child benefits from the extended family support network.
This is particularly true for holiday schedules. The court wants the child to have happy memories. They do not want the child to feel the stress of the parents’ legal battle. By proposing a reasonable, child-focused plan for communication during your deployment, you position yourself as the responsible parent who puts the child’s needs first.
Preparing for the “Next” Holiday
Military life is cyclical. You may be home this Christmas but deployed next Thanksgiving. A robust parenting plan looks to the future. It shouldn’t just cover the current deployment; it should have standing language for all future deployments and temporary duty assignments (TDY).
A “long-distance” parenting plan acts as a toggle switch. When you are stationed at MacDill, you follow Plan A (local custody). When you deploy or get orders to a different state, the agreement automatically switches to Plan B (long-distance rules). This prevents you from having to hire a Tampa military divorce lawyer and go back to court every single time you receive orders.
This forward-thinking approach saves money and reduces stress. It gives both parents and the children predictability. They know that when Dad or Mom deploys, the Skype schedule starts, and when they return, the regular schedule resumes.
The Importance of Local Counsel
You might wonder why you need a private attorney when the military provides legal assistance on base. While JAG officers are excellent at many things, they generally cannot represent you in state family court. They can draft a power of attorney or give general advice, but they cannot stand before a judge in downtown Tampa and argue your custody motion.
Furthermore, family law is intensely local. The judges in Hillsborough County have their own preferences and procedures. A Tampa military divorce lawyer interacts with these judges daily. They know which judges are veterans themselves and might have a deeper understanding of military life. They know which judges are strict about electronic communication schedules.
This local knowledge is invaluable when you are thousands of miles away. You need someone who knows the terrain of the courtroom just as well as you know the terrain of your mission. You need a proxy who can speak with authority and navigate the procedural hurdles that would otherwise trip up a pro se litigant or an out-of-town lawyer.
Managing the Emotional Toll
The holidays are emotional enough without the added layer of litigation. It is easy to feel isolated when you are deployed. Seeing photos of your ex-spouse enjoying holiday parties with your children can trigger feelings of jealousy and anger.
It is essential to separate the legal battle from the emotional battle. Use your support system within your unit. Use the chaplains and mental health resources available to you. Let your Tampa military divorce lawyer handle the conflict with your ex.
Do not vent your frustrations to your children during your video calls. Those few precious minutes should be positive. Ask them about Santa, ask them about their friends, tell them you love them. If you spend the call complaining about their mother or father, you damage the very bond you are trying to protect.
Taking Action Before You Leave
If you are reading this and you are not yet deployed but know it is coming, the time to act is now. Do not wait until you are in pre-deployment processing to address your custody issues. The courts move slowly. Getting a hearing date in Tampa can take weeks or months.
Schedule a consultation with a Tampa military divorce lawyer as soon as you have your orders—or even a warning order. bringing your paperwork to the lawyer early allows them to draft a comprehensive plan. It allows time for negotiation with the other side. It is far easier to sign a consent order in a calm office in Tampa than to try to notarize a contested motion in a combat zone.
Conclusion
Serving your country requires sacrifice, but losing your relationship with your children should not be one of them. The holidays will always be hard when you are away, but they do not have to be hopeless.
You have rights. The law protects your status as a parent. The SCRA protects your status as a litigant. Technology protects your connection as a father or mother.
By understanding the protections available to you and securing the representation of a qualified Tampa military divorce lawyer, you can navigate the choppy waters of a holiday deployment. You can ensure that no matter how many miles separate you, you remain a central, protected, and loved figure in your child’s life. You can do your duty with the confidence that your home front is secure, knowing that when the mission is done, your place as a parent will be waiting for you.
Frequently Asked Questions
Can my ex-spouse get full custody just because I am deployed? No. Florida law generally prohibits courts from using a parent’s deployment as the sole reason to modify a permanent custody order. While temporary changes are made to accommodate the child’s care during your absence, these should not become permanent based solely on your service.
What is the Servicemembers Civil Relief Act (SCRA)? The SCRA is a federal law that provides various protections to active-duty military members, including the ability to stay (pause) civil court proceedings like divorce or custody hearings if your service prevents you from participating.
How do I enforce visitation if I am overseas? You can request a court order for “virtual visitation,” which mandates specific times for video calls or phone calls. If the other parent violates this order, your attorney can file for contempt of court on your behalf.
Can my new wife or my parents see my kids while I am deployed? Yes, under Florida law, you can petition the court to delegate a portion of your time-sharing to a family member, such as a step-parent or grandparent, to ensure the child maintains a bond with your side of the family.
Do I still have to pay child support while I am deployed? Yes. Your financial obligations continue regardless of your location. In fact, failing to pay support while receiving allowances like BAH can lead to disciplinary action from your command.
What happens if I get divorce papers while in a combat zone? You should immediately contact a Tampa military divorce lawyer. You can use the SCRA to pause the case for at least 90 days (and often longer) until you are able to address the matter properly.
Will I get my time back when I return? Florida courts often award “compensatory” or make-up time-sharing to parents who missed custody time due to military service, allowing you extended time to reconnect with your children upon your return.
Can I stop my ex from moving out of Tampa while I am gone? If there is a custody order in place, Florida’s relocation statute prevents a parent from moving more than 50 miles away without court permission or your written consent. Your lawyer can file an injunction to stop an unauthorized move.
Do I need a lawyer if I have a JAG officer? JAG officers can provide general advice and draft some documents, but they generally cannot represent you in state family court. You need a private attorney to appear before the judge and file motions in the Tampa court system.
How do I sign legal documents while deployed? Many bases have legal assistance offices with notaries. Additionally, Florida has procedures for electronic notarization or accepting military affidavits that a Tampa military divorce lawyer can help facilitate.
The McKinney Law Group: Experienced Guidance for Tampa Military Divorce
Military divorce involves unique rules around benefits, pensions, and jurisdiction. We help service members and spouses navigate the process with clarity and precision.
Call 813-428-3400 to get started.
Written by Damien McKinney, Founding Partner
Damien McKinney is the Founding Partner of The McKinney Law Group, bringing nearly two decades of experience to complex marital and family law matters. He is licensed in both Florida and North Carolina and has been repeatedly recognized as a Rising Star by Super Lawyers.